maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
