Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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