I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Randomize
