wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
