i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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