I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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