I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
