have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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