FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just gift wrapped bread.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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