so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Houston, we have a squirter
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
