its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
