You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
