just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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