Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
