I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
