yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
