in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
