I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
