True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
