I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
