Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
