I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
