so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
