I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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