So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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