I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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