He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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