Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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