my phone needs a breathalizer
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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