You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
