oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize