You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
