Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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