you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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