So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
