Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
