So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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