Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
