I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dignity is for republicans.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
