I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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