Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize