Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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