If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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