I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
