He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
