even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
