I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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