you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
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We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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