Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
