Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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