it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
