Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
