How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
