dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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