i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
