I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
