I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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