You're completely useless in the revolution.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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