Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
