Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
