I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
