I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
