I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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