So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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