I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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