im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
