her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
