do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
why is half of my head shaved?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
