yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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