this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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