Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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