Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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