Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we made out on top of his cat.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
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i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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